Have you ever thought of your partner as your “other half”, “better side”, or “missing piece?”
Many people in relationships do. It’s easy with the mainstream media and ever-popular Disney movies we grew up watching, but when it comes to real-life relationships the thought that your partner will save you, change you, or complete you is an idea that needs to be thrown out.
Being in a relationship does not make you complete. Being who you are makes you complete.
When we expect others to complete us, we are giving our power away to that person and assuming that without them, we are not whole.
I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t feel great to me. What if that person leaves? It’d be like losing a whole half of you and that sounds pretty… devastating.
We complete ourselves… or fail to. No one can do the job for us.
The misbelief that your partner “completes you” can be self-sabotaging and lead to a failed relationship. You and your partner are two individual people sharing a relationship that is a reflection of who you both are. You cannot expect your partner to fulfill all the needs you have.
Releasing the belief that your partner completes you will help you to learn to be more honest in your relationships and show up authentically.
Here are three reasons why your partner doesn’t complete you…
You and your partner are two unique individuals, not one complete person.
Although there is a religious or spiritual idea behind becoming “one in union” with each other, this is not to be taken in the literal sense.
When you enmesh your lives and souls with another person, you are essentially deciding that you’re incomplete and need someone to make you whole.
Evie Magazine says, “In searching for fulfillment in another person, you reduce yourself to a half. Your [partner] can and certainly should help you to grow, discover the truth and beauty in life and overcome hardships, but he alone is not the answer. Instead of seeing him as such, look to him as a faithful companion on the journey to the real answer.”
Enmeshing yourself with another person is something to be careful of in your relationships.
When you are willing to give up parts of yourself to be someone that you’re not, you’ll start to live inauthentically. This will put a stress or strain on your relationship because you both start feeling responsible for the others’ needs, wants, and emotions.
If you and your partner, instead, can feel happy in your own skin, take responsibility for your own emotions, thoughts, and actions, and create goals both for yourself and for your relationship, you will begin to untangle the idea that someone else completes you and create a more meaningful relationship that lasts.
Your relationship with others can only be as good (or bad) as your relationship with yourself. The problems in your relationship aren’t going to go away until you determine what is causing them.
If you fail to look deep within to understand, accept, and work through your issues that stand in the way of receiving or giving love, then you will continue to repeat the same cycles in your relationships.
It’s not him or her, it’s you.
In my book coming out soon (Fierce Love: Creating a Love That Lasts – One Conversation at a Time), I tell a story about Kate. Kate is a representation of many of us. Kate lives a healthy, balanced life until she falls in love. Her cycles repeat, she loses herself in her relationship, she becomes angry and resents her partner and ultimately ends the relationship (because he’s obviously the one causing her whole life to fall apart). She gets back on track, then meets someone else. And… wash, rinse, repeat.
I’ve been Kate. It’s possible you’re Kate right now.
Your relationships will continue to play out in the same way until you take the time, attention, and intention to look at what is going on inside you to make them this way.
“The people we are in relationships with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs.” — Shakti Gawain
If we fail to understand our beliefs, our partner’s beliefs, and the beliefs that simply are not true, we will continue to tell our relatives the same breakup story at every holiday dinner.
Your problems will still exist in a relationship, and possibly worsen.
“All relationships are your mirrors and all people are your teachers.” — Barbara De Angelis
“It is not your partner’s job to make you happy. It is your job to make you happy. It is your partner’s job to make themselves happy,” says this article on Medium.com and I couldn’t agree more.
Sometimes people enter relationships because they want their needs met. Self care is your priority not your partners.
It is your responsibility to meet your own needs and communicate your needs to others. If you rely on others to fulfill you, it will create a neediness, dependency, and pressure on your relationship that will eventually suffocate it entirely.
When we depend on others to meet our needs, we begin to manipulate our behavior to be more pleasing or charming so that they will do what we want and need.
This is not only inauthentic to ourselves, but can really damage the dynamic in a partnership.
Working on your relationship with yourself is one of the best ways to improve your relationships with others. How are you taking care of yourself? How are you giving yourself what you need?
Once you fulfill your own needs, you are then in a position to effectively and lovingly satisfy the needs of others.
And if both you and your partner are able to do this, then you’re really doing the tango!
If you look for your “missing piece” in love, you’re going to be hard pressed to find the perfect fit because there is no perfect fit!
You are your own perfect fit and if you don’t understand, accept, and love yourself, you can’t expect someone else to.
We all are our own complete individuals and we create the love we want to see in our lives. If you want to make your relationship better, I encourage you to commit the following to memory: No one and nothing will ever be enough until you are enough.
If you’re ready to create a fierce love that lasts, pre-order my new book, Fierce Love: Creating a Love That Lasts – One Conversation at a Time, that comes out January 11th 2022!
In this book, you’ll learn more about why your partner doesn’t complete you and four other myths that tend to ruin relationships. I’ll teach you how you can throw out the misbeliefs and enrich your relationship one conversation at a time.
© Copyright Susan Scott. All rights reserved.