When your relationship comes to an end, how do you exit with grace?
This can be a difficult conclusion to come to and if you’re there, I wish you all the courage you can muster in this chapter of your life. If you’ve had the conversations, listened deeply, clarified conditions, and are up-to-date with your partner and the ashes of your relationship cannot be rekindled, know that it is okay to walk away.
The good news is, fierce love doesn’t end just because a relationship does. The 7 Principles of Fierce Love can be applied to any phase of a relationship.
When our relationship doesn’t last, what happens next? The end of the road doesn’t mean the end of love for you. It can actually mean new beginnings and deeper discovery of yourself.
And, if your relationship doesn’t last, here’s how you can still exit with grace.
You can let new love in, learn to love being alone, and receive love in other ways outside of a partnership. Love exists inside you and you can create as much love as you want in your life.
The end of a relationship does not mean the end of fierce love. You can continue to practice the idea of fierce love during and after the goodbye.
Here is how you can practice fierce love even after your relationship ends.
1. Let New Love In
When you’ve let go of the myths about love and taken the time to have fierce conversations with your partner, sometimes it can have a different outcome than you originally imagined.
Or maybe you tried to wake your relationship up after it was too late and after too many “gradually’s,” you’re faced with a “suddenly” that is irreparable.
What now?
Forgive yourself first and then do your best to forgive your partner.
Ending a relationship isn’t a failure. It doesn’t mean you’ll never find love again. It may mean, though, that you need to find more love within yourself in order to attract the true love that you desire.
The end of a relationship can be an amazing opportunity to learn and grow. If you reflect on your relationship with fierce curiosity and compassion, you are sure to find some ways you can improve yourself, better achieve who you’re meant to be, and have more meaningful relationships in the future.
There may be a grieving period for your relationship. What you are grieving is not always the partner you are losing. You are grieving the lost hopes, dreams, and plans you had with that partner that weren’t actually your reality. You are grieving a life and person that did not actually exist.
So try not to blame yourself or your partner and do your best to accept what is. Take the time to self reflect on how to be a better partner in future relationships.
Some people settle into unhappiness, if that’s you then by all means continue down the path to misery. If that’s not for you, then choosing happiness for yourself is your next best step. When you choose to be happy, you will spread happiness wherever you go.
Have hope and determined faith that new love will find you when the time is right… and in the meantime, work on you.
2. Learn to Love Being Alone
After a breakup or divorce, the fear of being alone can feel like a huge weight of reality.
I can promise you, though, there is nothing more lonely than living with the wrong person. And there is a difference in living alone and being alone. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely.
Living alone can even be exciting. You can be as social as you’d like and fill your home with friends, family, pets, or even dip your toe into the dating pool again. Living alone is a great opportunity to dive deeper into your own self discovery and find freedom to express yourself creatively.
The deeper you get to know yourself, the deeper others will be able to get to know you.
As this lovely article states, “The outside world is simply a mirror for our Selves and what is going on deep within us.”
After my divorce, I lived alone, but it wasn’t actually lonely. Between my kids, grandkids, and two dogs (Dobby and Gilly), I actually felt deeply fulfilled in my home without my husband.
Susan Scott
There is no right or wrong way to live after a divorce or break up, the most important thing to remember is that the love doesn’t have to end when your marriage does.
3. Love in All the Ways
You can give and receive love in many forms and fashions and you don’t need another person to do this.
Love is available all around us and it is up to you to tap into the ebb and flow of it.
Find what brings you joy. For me, it’s the love and companionship of my dogs, taking long walks in the Douglas Firs outside my treehouse, painting, gardening, and sometimes getting up at 2:00 AM for a cup of cocoa and an impromptu haiku.
Whatever brings you joy, pursue it. And if you don’t know what brings you joy, then it is imperative that you take the time to discover it. The time after a relationship ends can be transformative, enlightening, and enjoyable.
It can be a great time to have the conversation with yourself: “Is my life working for me? Am I the person I was meant to be?” Use your time alone to become more aligned with your own life.
There is a freeing feeling knowing that you are your only job and your only job is to live as joyfully as possible.
On the Other Side of Goodbye
You may meet a truly wonderful person after the end of a relationship and you may not. The important idea to remember is that love can be given and received in many ways and is not limited to one other person.
There can be many gifts on the other side of goodbye and it is up to you to find them.
You can learn how to have better relationships, one conversation with yourself at a time.
“Our values are the guiding lights in our lives. If you’re not clear on what you value, how can you find someone who shares your values?” says TinyBuddha.
Fearlessly pursue your joy and focus on living a life you’re proud of. Get clear on your boundaries, conditions, and values. Have the fierce conversations with yourself so you’ll be ready for a fierce love that lasts.
There is no point in waiting around for the magical person to come because you, my friend, are the magic.
If you’d like to learn more about Fierce Love, the idea of it, how to apply it to your conversations, and what to do after the end of a relationship, buy my new book out on Amazon today.
This book will help you discover the truth about love and give you a roadmap to eight conversations you can have with yourself and your partner to enrich your relationship.
© Copyright Susan Scott. All rights reserved.