Am I the person I was meant to be?
Is my life the expression of my values and priorities?
If you have been on the journey of exploring my new book, Fierce Love, here with me, you know I talk a lot about having Fierce Conversations with your partner. I explore a lot about the conversations we need to have in Fierce Love journal so you can explore the intricacies of your relationship. But, there is one more important thing that I talk about in my book and want to talk about here today:
Are you ready for a relationship?
Do you want to have this relationship?
While you might have asked yourself the second question many times, I know that we find ourselves haggling with the concept of the first question. Unfortunately, with the world we are living in, the idea of having conversations with yourself to check if you are relationship-ready is seldom touched upon. We have already talked about the power of fierce conversations with your partner and will be exploring them more in the coming blogs, but today I want you to focus on YOU.
Let’s explore together if you are ready for a relationship and the conversations it entails or not?
Who Am I In A Relationship?
Sometimes the problem isn’t with our partners; it is with who we become when we are in a relationship. We let that cloud our judgments when we don’t feel good about ourselves, who we are, and who we want to be. When this happens, we conveniently, albeit unconsciously, blame our partners.
When you realize that your life has become an endless loop of compromises or you have adopted a personality you never wanted to subscribe to, you recognize that you are not in the relationship you were meant to be in. You have gone too far to find a partner.
The most critical relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself. And I want to help you fall in love with yourself and build a solid and valid foundation before you do that with someone else.
Be Who You Were Meant To Be
Often we think that if we get out of the current relationship or find a new partner, our lives will change immensely. And it does, for a while at least. We are over the top, have butterflies in our stomachs, and feel like the luckiest man or woman on the planet…but then reality comes crashing down. After a while, we realize that we are back to where it started. The reality hits us hard.
We take ourselves with us wherever we are, love what we love, who we love, how we love. A new place or person doesn’t change who we are at our core. However, if your values do not match the way you live, you need to do something to correct yourself. Here are some of the questions you can borrow from my Fierce Love Journal that accompanies the Fierce Love book to help you introspect on the conversations you need to have surrounding love:
- Are my interests and priorities changing?
- Is there an area that I care about that is conspicuously absent from my life?
- What activities generate heat from me?
- What one thing can I do to get more of what I want and need in my life?
There are more questions in the journal, but these are enough to get you started on this journey of self-realization before you place any blame, comment, or judgment on your partner.
Create A Life Of Alignment:
You will be successful in life and relationships when you are in alignment with who you are and who you want to be. When there is a connection between both, you will be able to find a partner or create a rhythm with the current one in tandem with your ideal life. This is more important than we realize or deem necessary in our romantic relationships.
The most important indicator of our health is the amount of integrity with which we live our lives. If there is a gap between what you believe and how you behave, you won’t only be affected mentally, but it will also impact your immune system. Hence, there is no doubt that your relationships will suffer as well. This takes us back to the discussion we had in the last sections. Some important questions you need to be asking yourself are:
- Are you the person you were meant to be?
- Are the things you value and what you are actually doing in alignment?
- If not, what can you do to correct this?
We can either lead a dull, boring, and life out of alignment, or you can create an experience filled with intimacy, passion, and love. If you want the latter, you have to find your rhythm. You need to be in sync with the life you always wanted to design for yourself. We will find it nearly impossible to connect with the one we love or hope to love until we have connected with ourselves, our authentic selves. So, your task is to find yourself and your love language for now. It is to find the things that truly matter and the things you resonate with. Then, launch head-on into discovering your values and assessing if you are fulfilling them in your life.
As I mention in “Conversation 1: Do I want This Relationship” in the Fierce Love book, your partner can be a great support in the path of this self-discovery. We will be discussing more of that in another blog coming soon. For now, focus on the things you learned from this blog and take help from Fierce Love Journal to find more about yourself so you can have some deep, meaningful conversations surrounding this introspection with your partner.
Don’t forget, we want to create a love that lasts, and it starts with YOU!